My mom wanted me to start going to church after Liz and I split up, so I went to the Church of Satan.

I didn't want to jump right in with a black mass, so I started slowly. They were having an afternoon BBQ at the church, which was some old hippy house where about 27 people lived, most of whom had names like Bliss and Om. They had hippy parents and they were rebelling. It's difficult to rebel against hippies without becoming corporate sell-outs, and none of them were that smart, so they became satanists. With $100 and some black fabric you could be a member.

I'd heard about the Church from Dove, who was in my Post-Modern literature class. She ended up there by mistake because she thought it was a poetry class. Dove told me she was a member of the Church of Satan and sometimes they had really cool parties and the biggest local bands would play and there was lots of liquor and goth chicks and it was all cool because, really, who'd want to piss off the satanists? Even the charismatics with all their crazy tongue-speaking were afraid of the satanists. Also, there was usually a lot of food because of satan girls hippy moms would come by with vegan chili and vegan corn bread and vegan chicken.